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2021-05-10 - 11:33 a.m.

I have something bad to tell.

Weeks and weeks ago, I had a vicious bout of food poisoning. I've never barfed so violently in all my life and I have never been the same since. The pain didn't start right away. I seemed to be getting better after that night of crazy retching. I thought I was no worse for wear but then I noticed a little soreness when I tried to lay on my stomach. I was sore at the top of my abdomen, right below the sternum and to the right. This soreness got worse over the next few days and I started having severe abdominal cramps. It felt like irritable bowel syndrome, which I have had a couple of times in my life during high stress. So I looked on google and found out that food poisoning can throw you into irritable bowel syndrome or colitis. I assumed that was going on and went to the doctor. He gave me some meds to slow my digestive system down, calm it down, and reduce acid. I started those meds and the cramping started to fade away. Those cramps were excruciating, lemme tell ya. But it was getting better. However, the soreness in my abdomen was not getting better. It was getting worse. It was also moving around. It kept changing. Upper right, lower left, right through the middle, It felt like if there is a sheet of tissue that keeps your guts in, that is what was hurting. My doctor sent me for an abdominal ultrasound. He thought my gall bladder was the problem, but the ultrasound showed a perfectly normal gall bladder and all the other organs were fine too. I had a GYN appointment which was normal and negative, I had a vaginal ultrasound that was apparently normal. I don't have final word on that but the nurse told me that if the doctor had seen anything concerning she would have called me immediately instead of waiting for my follow up appt this upcoming week. My blood work was great. Then I had a CT scan. It showed that my organs are all fine, but my "omentum" looks abnormal. The omentum is a sheet of tissue that kind of lays over your abdominal organs. My doctor said that it looked very suspicious for cancer. He said it might not be cancer, but since it could be, we need a biopsy. He said it would most likely be a CT guided needle biopsy. He said we will find out what it is and then figure out how to treat it. That's what fell out his flapping lips but all I heard was: "You're gonna die".

So that day and the next I was very low. Very upset. My family were all freaking out. Everyone was upset. I was told of this on Monday, Tuesday was my low point, and Tuesday afternoon I started looking online for info. I know better than to google symptoms because that's how you scare your own ass off. But there I was, googling. Because my sister told me that the omentum can be injured rather than diseased, and an injury would mimic all of my symptoms. The omentum can be injured through violent vomiting, violent coughing, even sudden body movements! I looked for info on that and the first thing to pop up was a medical study about a patient who was just like me, same age, sex, circumstance. Sudden abdominal pain that wouldn't go away. She went through the same battery of tests, same good results, her doctor thought it was her gall bladder, just like mine did. Long story short, she had somehow injured her omentum, it was repaired, and she is fine. I felt like that was God reassuring me that it doesn't have to be cancer. It might not be. I felt much better. I decided to wait until I have an actual diagnosis to react.

However, while I was reading up, I accidentally learned that ovarian cancer spreads directly to the omentum and I have a family history of ovarian cancer. So it could be cancer or an injury. I found out inflammation can cause changes in the omentum. Actually there are quite a few benign things that can cause an abnormality of the omentum. I already have an account with a famous cancer treatment center and will be going there if I get a bad diagnosis. I have an appt on Wednesday for a consultation about a biopsy or surgery.

I don't want to tell my boss because I'm afraid I'll lose my job. I want to try to keep working, regardless. Working from home is something I can do even if I don't feel great. I am trying to hang onto "might not be cancer" but I am scared. I'm trying to not be scared, because I want to manifest more health, not more fear.

So there you have it. This is what I'm dealing with.

My sister reminded me that she has had growths that were suspicious for cancer twice and neither time was it cancer. (lung and breast) My mother has been told 3 times that she probably has cancer. One time her right ovary was completely enclosed in a mass which was "very suspicious for cancer". They took it out, sent it off to pathology and it was not cancer. Her mother died of ovarian cancer, so the doctor just knew it was going to be cancer. My nephew had a tumor in his mouth. It was not cancer. Plus, I was fine until I barfed all night and have been hurting since then. I read that if you injure the omentum and it's not repaired, it continues to hurt endlessly. Like mine has. Every test that was done came out good, except the CT scan. You would think if I had metastatic ovarian cancer, that vaginal ultrasound would have shown it.

On Wednesday I will not get any answers, I will only be planning for the next test. But I will keep you all posted. Please pray for me.

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