2020-01-01 - 4:40 p.m.
First order of business:
Happy New Year!! Happy New Decade!! It's clean slate central. We made it, kids! Some of us did anyway. Some good things happened for me. For one thing, I am not sitting at my parents' house, listening to my ex with sore eardrums and jangled nerves. I told my mom how I feel about spending whole days with him on a frequent basis and my sister had also tried to gingerly escape the shindig because she is also tired. She and I work all the time and we wanted a day of rest. Mo understood that and cancelled the whole event. I felt bad at first, but mom told me Dad was really not looking forward to it either. I don't know why mom makes my ex husband the center of our holidays. I am down with going for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year Thanksgiving was later in the month than usual and it made Christmas seem too soon. When you add New Year's Day one week later and gumbo night 10 days after Christmas, it's too damn much. My sister keeps saying that I am a saint for not having already snapped. That makes me laugh. I say "Tell me more about my Sainthood." If I listed all the many reasons I divorced him, you'd think I was a saint too. I could have killed him and gotten free quicker.
My other happy happening is I finished my CEU reporting and all the quizzes and boring articles that went with it. I'm done for the next 2 years!! Ahhhhhhh... so satisfying.
Yesterday I said I would tell the cringey tale of what happened on Christmas. Warning: I may seem like a terrible person after telling this, but I kinda am a terrible person, so here is me, owning it.
My ex husband's current wife invited her cousin and cousin's husband to the festivities. We were all instructed to bring a 30 dollar gift for the white elephant gift exchange. We were also instructed to buy 16 stocking stuffer type gifts because there were going to be stockings to fill for our regular 14 plus the 2 interlopers, I mean, extras. I am an introvert. I am also quite reserved and even stand-offish, some would say. I love people and all, but I prefer not to bring strangers into family events. I know this is my problem, and I am the abnormal one, so I played along. So... 16 gifts with a dollar range of 1 to 5 dollars. That could get pricey for some folks. I complied with all and went to the ex's house as instructed. When I got there, I had to meet the extra people. Complete strangers they were. The man was in a wheel chair, one eye shut at all times, other one wide open. The shut one is lower on his face than the other one. One of his legs is on backwards, because it's prosthetic. Clearly he has some issues. He appeared to be about 75 years old. I was introduced and he got up out of the chair and sort of lunged towards me with a big smile on his face. He hugged me like I was a long lost lover. It was the longest, most awkward hug I have ever had. Like... it was overly intimate. Oddly handsy. At the end of the evening, when he was about to turn in for the night, he got up out of that chair again and started towards me, looking like he may not make it. He was bee-lining it for me like I had a gold coin for him. I was thinking "No... he's not going to try... there's not going to be another... no, he is not going to.. " but lo, he was coming in for another bear hug. He got me a second time. I was looking at my nephew over this guy's shoulder and nephew had a very amused look on his face. So I ended up getting 2 of the longest and most awkward hugs ever.
In between all that holiday joy, I found out that he is only 58. I found this shocking and depressing. My dad is 78 and looks much younger than the 58 year old. Younger and WAY healthier. Also, I learned that he and his wife have only been married 6 years, so she enchanted that magical bastard basically as he is now. The wife is extremely talkative and she presented me with my Christmas miracle for the year. I looked into my ex's man cave and saw this lady standing over him while he was in his chair, a captive audience, having to listen to the endless prattling which didn't appear to interest him at all. That was worth the price of admission in itself. Usually the ex is the one pinning someone down for a convo they don't want to endure, but here he was, silent, with a confused / polite smile, just waiting for it to be over. So funny.
During dinner we learned that the guy is deathly allergic to nuts and we all had to verify that our food did or did not contain nuts. Then, he still had an episode in which he clutched his chest and almost fell out of his wheel chair and then he had to go lay down for awhile. I guess it's constant drama with those two.
After dinner, we had the white elephant gift exchange. In an appalling turn of events, their two $30 gifts turned out to be 2 small crocheted hats that the lady made. So... about 2 bucks worth of yarn was all they contributed, total. They both "Stole" when it was their turn to choose a gift and naturally they went home with 2 of the top prizes. Isn't that always the way??? The guy stole a cushy luxury blanket that I brought, hoping my dad would win it. Dad did have it and he was happy about it, and then the legless wonder stole it from him. The wife stole my mom's gift of a 14 piece set of Tramontina stainless steel bowls! My dad ended up with a small girl's hat. Grrr.
It was super fun.
Oh, another tidbit: During the festivities, we were told in secret not to mention Mormons, because the strangers are Mormons and we were also told not to mention foster care because this woman's sister made the national news for abusing foster kids. She is estranged from her crazy sister, but... just not a pleasant piece of news to receive.
Next year, I hope they stay they asses in Missouri where they are from. If they are included, I'm changing the rules and everyone can spend 2 bucks instead of a greatly uneven exchange happening again. That was awkward.
Add another one to the books! 2019 over and out.
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