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2018-04-17 - 10:29 p.m.

While packing, I found a journal I wrote when I was unhappily married. It was very interesting reading. I had forgotten how horribly miserable I was in that marriage. I was only married one time and sadly, that guy was not the love of my life. He was a result of being young and stupid. I met the love of my life later on and he has now died. I have processed this crappy hand I've been dealt and I am pretty happy by myself. I would love to have the sweet moments of a relationship... the companionship & love, but I don't want the one thousand metric tons of bullshit that goes with it. I guess I'm just not good at picking life partners. There might be a person somewhere who could be a companion and a love without trying to control me or pick me apart, but I might be one of those people who are not meant to marry. I kind of like my life the way it is. I told my sister I want a lifelike android or a boyfriend like Alice had on the Brady Bunch. He lived someplace else and you only saw him once in awhile. Either I'm a terrible person or I've been hurt a lot. Right?

My sister said I was sounding scarily like Jeffrey Dahmer. That's not really accurate though. I don't want to victimize or cook and eat anyone. I would just love it if I had a companion that was able to engage, but doesn't have the jealousy, temper, easily hurt feelings... I could say "be quiet for a while" and no one would be upset...

Aaaaanyhoooo... I hit a snag with my new house yesterday and thought the whole deal was off, but today the day has been saved and all is well again. I found out it was very close to a flood zone, but I called the city today and the city planner told me it is exceedingly safe, and my house is built on an 8 foot high elevation above the ground where any flooding could occur in the extremely unlikely chance that water pooled. My house is actually 8 feet higher than the road. It would have to rain enough to float an ark to get up to my bottom floor. I am going to check out the FEMA flood insurance that the city planner told me about today but I'm not getting it unless it's reasonably cheap.

I have to take my old feller Dexter to the vet tomorrow for his comprehensive check up and teeth cleaning. He needs it. His breff is kickin. I have to drop him off between 7 and 7:30. That is ass. I hate to have to be somewhere during my best sleep time. I normally get up at 9 am so being somewhere at 7 is cruel and unusual punishment. ::sigh::

Jax has to go for some shots too, but I will get him done another day. No more than one horrible ordeal per day, please. I love my dogs so so much. Words cannot express.

I need to go try to lull myself into a sleepy state so I can get a few ZZZs before it's time to get up and go.

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