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2018-04-21 - 8:07 p.m.

I'm here to bitch. The self loathing is very high today. I am a lazy good fer nuthin'. I do NOT want to finish cleaning out my closet. I'm going to lay on the floor and throw a tantrum now. Gimme a sec.

Ok. Back to the rant.

I don't wanna! My closet is huge and holds loads of crap before it begins to look crowded, so this has lulled me into a false sense of orderliness. In reality, I found so. much. junk. mail. It's abundantly present in my closet... in boxes and bags, stashed and neatly stacked. I have to look through all this shit and it overwhelms me. I guess I should just drag it out and shred every piece of old mail that has my name on it. What a hassle. I also have found a lot of bags of sugar free candy that can now be used as small paper weights because it's petrified from being packed away for 5 years. I've found many brand new things I've never used. Books and magazines I haven't read. It's shameful I tell you. I found a box of old jeans that I am never going to wear again. Styles change! Just toss stuff!!! Why do I save things I'm neverrrrrr going to use again?

I'm tired. Oh so tired. I don't want to do any more. Picture takers from the real estate company are going to be here on Tuesday to take pictures of my perfect house. So it needs to look perfect. I have to make my office bare and finish making my closet bare and I have to haul all my packing boxes in the guest room out to the garage before Tuesday. Maybe I should hire the guy next door to empty the guest room.

My nephew left a whole bunch of his stuff here and I told him I wanted him to take it all with him when he moved back to his mom. Movers charge money to move stuff, yo. I think I'm gonna trash it all. Except his good clothes that he left.

I threw out my air beds. I had like 2 or 3. Air beds are nearly useless. They always have a slow leak. I oughta just throw out everything I have in a box. I haven't used anything out of there in 5 years.

On top of everything else, today I was out in the back yard and discovered that one of the boards on the fence had come almost completely loose. The bottom end of the board was no longer attached. I cannot believe my dogs haven't gone through there into the neighbor's yard. The loose board was on the neighbor's side of the fence, so I was going to ease in there and fix it without saying a peep, but then I got to their gate and they had blocked it off with big chunks of stone. So I had to call my neighbor and see if her son would go out back and hammer some nails in the loose board. Her son is a really nice 20-something year old, polite, friendly young man who has so thoroughly fried his brains with drugs that he can't function on his own. Don't do drugs kids. He's kind of handsome, but he seems to have the mentality of an 11 or 12 year old. He likes to be helpful. He rings my doorbell to let me know if my garage door is up or my sprinkler system isn't working right. He brought a strange chihuahua to my door one time because he thought my dog had gotten loose. He talks to me every time he sees me. I feel bad for him and I wonder what will ever become of this kid who now has disabilities from drug abuse. The world is full of tragedies.

And my back hurts! In case you thought I was running low on complaints, I've got more. My back hurts.

I'm restless. I don't know if I'm being stupid to buy a house before my other house is sold. The love of my life died and I miss him. My ex husband, his 2nd wife, and their gaggle of adopted kids (there's 4 of them, age 11 and under) are also moving to the same area I'm going to and he keeps joking about free babysitters. I can tell you right now, I ain't trying to be a free babysitter nor a paid one. I know they are looking for a sense of family and I am going to be gracious and nice and I will do family events with them and my sister wife will be a part of our little gang if she wants to be. But I won't let Mr Wrong line me up as the babysitter or fairy godmother. I know he will be taking advantage of our daughter if he can but I know a secret about our kid that he doesn't know. She seems very sweet, but don't piss her off. LOL

I feel like I am going to have to be the one to tell him when he expects too much out of my parents, my sister, and my kid. I am the one person in the family who feels comfortable to tell him to back up. He is looking at some properties that are a bit too far away for him to make too much of a nuisance of himself, so here's hoping one of those places works out. I care about my ex and his family. I know he just wants to be loved. He can be pretty intrusive and annoying. He's lacking a filter or two that other people have that prevents them from being a horses ass. He's not shy about asking for favors, hinting for things, expecting people to bend over backwards for him, and then, at any moment, he may break out into a sermon and tell you that your grandma is burning in hell for being Catholic or whatever other religion isn't the one he thinks is right. It's almost like he is completely without self awareness. I think he has alienated all his blood relatives and now he wants an extended family for these 4 kids he has adopted.

Last Tuesday I had forgotten the maids were coming at 2 pm and they showed up at 1 pm. I was not ready for them because I had been packing and I had stuff out all over the place. Since they were an hour early, I decided to let them think I was not home and then just reschedule. The office started blowing up my phone and finally the manager left me a message. I use a maid service that sends out teams of 2 to 3 cleaners and they do a very regimented thorough job. I like the service, but they are bad about showing up early. My condition that I hold them to is "After 2 pm". Because I work here and need quiet till 2. So the message on my voice mail was an apology that they were early today and they would like to send a team out at 3 pm if that is ok. So I called and let them do that and no one ever knew it was me who forgot my appointment. I flubbed and got away with it. Yay me.

Shall I blow off my chores and just lounge in front of the TV? I still have all of Sunday to cram, drag, hide, and stash everything in the garage. Hmmm. Me thinks an ill advised rest is in order.

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