2016-05-23 - 10:11 a.m.
"Me... and my head high and my tears dry, get on without my guy."
Famous song lyrics yo. Particularly noticeable to me for obvious reasons.
I've had another song stuck in my head for days and it's driving me nuts. I put on some music to drown it out. It's just an earwig that won't quit.
Onwards and upwards...
Today is Monday and I have done everything I can do for my main gig right now. I am training 2 students so my job is to review their work as it comes in. Right now, I'm ahead of them. And so I wait. They have plenty of stuff to do today, and I will be busier if they ever start sending me stuff to review today. I'm not complaining. I've done way more than my fair share of jumping through my butt on Mondays to try to get it all done. My load is just lighter these days and I am loving it. I'm sure it will crank up again all too soon.
I woke up feeling very grateful today. I seemed to already be thinking (while I was asleep) about the fact that I am so fortunate to have been born in the USA, born free, healthy, loved, not impaired, and people in the USA, even the poor ones, are better off than the overwhelming majority of the global population. We have clean water to drink and resources to rely on. I am beyond grateful that my dad put in a military career and dragged me all over the world. That made me able to make a home wherever I am and opened my mind to other cultures and ideas. I'm grateful that my mother is such a firecracker and taught me her attitude that you can do anything you set your mind to. My dad is super tenacious, and my mom is a risk taker and I got the best of both worlds.
Post script: I am also incredibly grateful that even though I loved my man so, so much and believed he loved me, I didn't cave to his demands that I tell my bosses to "go fuck themselves", I didn't make up stories to try to get out of seminars and mandatory meetings that I needed to attend in order to keep my job and get me to where I'm at now. I told my love at least once that if we were married and he was supporting me that I would be able to allow him more say in what I did with my career, but that since I was my sole financial support, I felt it was necessary that I keep my career on track and make decisions that would protect my income. He asserted that this was a sign that I cared more about my job than him. That is an unfair position to put a person in. Especially when it's a person you have no intention of ever marrying or supporting. You can't expect a person to get fired as a show of loyalty, especially when you are not going to be there for them later.
Oh well. For whatever reason, he felt threatened by my career. He didn't need to. A job is like oxygen. It's a ground floor necessity that makes all the other stuff possible. My love for him had nothing whatsoever to do with my job. The two were never in competition.
But yeah, thank goodness I didn't let it all go fer lurve... and then get left anyway. That woulda sucked even more than the original heartbreak. A broke ass heart break is much more miserable than a well financed heartbreak, I would imagine.
Oh, also... grateful for my summer of having the house to myself!! My folks are going to come visit at some point and maybe my old buddy. Maybe my co-worker buddy. She lives way across the city on the other end and it's a long drive so we sometimes meet up in the Woodlands for shopping and dinner. But one of these days we might do a sleep over. Not that kind, perv.