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2016-02-13 - 12:34 p.m.

I am at my sisters house. We stayed up all night and had too much wine. I woke up with a crazy dream in my head. Here is how the dream went:

I was in my old house in Louisiana. There was something going on there. A bunch of worker men were around and my ex from Philly was there. He was in the process of selling some things. Things that belonged to me. There was a big blue truck that was long like an 18 wheeler and had what looked like oxygen tanks in the back of it. Everything on the truck except the tires and glass was an odd, opaque shade of cornflower blue. That's not a normal color for a vehicle. There was a slightly smaller equipment type vehicle parked next to it. These two vehicles we're taking up the whole view of my driveway and were over into the grass. I was worried about them wrecking my lawn and driveway. The men we're out there busily running around. Business was underway. As I went back in the house I could hear my ex haggling with one of the men about the price of something. The man was offering him $800 for something he thought should be much much more. I looked around and the inside of my old house in Louisiana looked completely different. All traces of my stuff was gone. My ex had been renovating my house and turning it into some kind of a business. As I looked around I saw that the ceiling was very very high and the room I was in now looked like a warehouse with red walls and a red ceiling. It was barn shaped and there were long tables in there and a whole lot of strangers. In reality a building that size would not fit on the lot that my old house stands on. As I was looking around I was realizing that he had taken advantage of me and had put himself in a position to change or sell everything I had. I was sitting next to a woman that I don't know and she was a stranger in the dream but I was telling her about how he had taken advantage of me and how he had worked up a relationship with someone else on the side and then when he was sure he had the old bitty in the bag, he broke up with me over something stupid and now he's liquidating my assets for his own gain.

At this point, I decided to go out front and see what was going on. This time when I went to the front door I opened it up, stepped outside, and everything looked completely different. It wasn't even my old neighborhood anymore. It looked like a completely different neighborhood. Right then I had the realization that this was a dream. As I looked out I could see a whole neighborhood with a lot of interesting details. The houses were old houses but they were very large and the yards were also very large the houses were not too close together. I wanted to see what else was out there. I wanted to walk around and explore and see what else there was to see and I had the conscious thought that I could walk all over this neighborhood and do anything I wanted because this was a dream and I could make things happen. I was lucid dreaming and I was fully aware of it in that moment. I started to walk down the front yard of this house and all of a sudden my sister's dog ran in front of me. I wasn't sure that it was her dog because there's another dog in her neighborhood that is the same breed of dog and I once mistook that other dog for my sister's dog in real life. I immediately felt like I had to catch the dog and get her back in the house so I had to give up on exploring the neighborhood until I could get the dog rounded up. I woke up around that point in the dream. After I walked out the door of that house everything else that had been happening in the first part of the dream was gone. My ex was not there the trucks were gone the house that had been enlarged to an impossibly huge structure was no longer there it was just a different house and a different neighborhood.

I understand parts of this dream. I have been comparing the loss of my sisters husband to the loss of my quitter of an ex. The loss of love and affection and protection, the loss of companionship, the missing of the good things are similar. Last night, my sister and I were talking about how controlling her husband was. She loved him and allowed him to control every aspect of her life. He chose all the TV shows, all the music, all the restaurants, and she morphed into something utterly different than who she is. She chamelioned. Willingly. He basically took her inventory, liquidated her assets, and redid everything. Just like in my dream. So it seemed like it was about my guy, but it was actually about hers.

She was talking about being a chameleon and that she didnt mind it at the time, because she liked what she got in return, but she is now realizing just how controlled she has been.

My guy was very demanding and he wanted to be controlling, but I'm too feisty to cooperate very well. I am very independent by nature, and I am logical like Spock so I make my decisions based on my logic rather than someone else's demands. This makes me a no-go for a man who feels the need to control. I am a horrible shrew who expects to direct her own path.

But I make some darn good decisions and I'm pretty good at life.

I'm going to try to do some more lucid dreaming. That could be fun.

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