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2016-02-01 - 10:50 a.m.

Ya know... the more I think about that Maynard dream, the more I realize what it is really about.

I think the dream is about me and love in my life. My family being there represents that I have love in my life. People love me. I am not without love. I think Maynard represents 2 things: what I'd like to have in a partner - a person who stands out, a person who impresses me, someone I can respect who is talented and intelligent. He also represents the RARITY of this. The unlikeliness of it. Landing Maynard would be so completely impossible (though someone did) Like, 7 billion to one odds. Just like my chances of finding another one true love. 7 billion to 1.

This is probably rolling around in my subconscious mind because when I think about moving on past the old lost relationship, I think about the fact that I'll never find that connection again. I don't think there is anyone out there for me. Because I'd rather die alone than live with less than THE one. And there is no one else like that weird specimen I fell in love with. Haha. It will take that rare, intelligent, certain kind of guy for me to even consider it. I'm not a love at first sight kind of girl. I have to fall for the personality.

I really don't have to worry about this or work this out in my waking life. I'm defenseless in my sleep though so I guess I'll work it out in my dream-life whether I want to or not. It's pretty fun, actually, so I'm down for more of it.

Oh, and I know more published authors than I previously mentioned. I also know a renowned historian who has written over 20 books. He is a professor and I used to babysit his kids.

I should publish a book. So I don't have to get to the end of my life knowing 4,377 published authors but go to my grave with unpublished works laying around.

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