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2016-01-28 - 6:40 p.m.

Every now and then I perpetrate a spectacular display of physical incompetence in which I carry out a long series of ill-fated moves, all the while steadfastly believing I can save myself before I fall all the way to the ground, drop everything I'm holding, turn over in my computer chair, or accidentally clear my entire desk. Sometimes I do all of that in one mad scramble.

Today I was working on my side gig during my lunch break as I often do and the way my office is set up, I have a desk/credenza that holds my main computer and 2 large monitors and then there is a long side desk that holds my personal computer that I do my side job on. I sit in the "V" where these two desks meet and I spin in my computer chair from one computer to another when I need to. I constantly endeavor to keep my main computer from timing me out of everything while I'm not looking. The main company has an intrepid IT team who were tasked with making all our applications have infuriatingly short periods of time before things time out and none of the time limits jive, so something is timing out constantly if I'm not touching the keyboard all day long. I think this is an evil plot to make us stay chained to the desk all day.

So I was eyeball deep in a chart when I catch in my periphery the screen saver springing into action. For some reason, this startled me and I launched my ink pen into the air and did a Tommy Lee spinning drumstick maneuver trying to keep from losing my pen to the floor where it would no doubt roll under the credenza, exactly one millimeter out of my reach. As I was focused on the pen, my chair twirled and I knocked my open binder in such a way that it started to rake everything else off the desk. I was simultaneously reaching for my pen, grabbing the binder, catching things with my shoulder, and I reached my leg out to steady my chair which was in full swing like a Tilt-a-Whirl seat. My toes hit my lovely gun metal trash can and it gave a really nice loud RIIIINNNNG noise. Like... I was a drummer, had just thrown and miraculously caught my ink pen/drumstick, and then I kicked the high hat. I was in concert there for a minute. I was on tour with Motley Crue and it was 1987. At this point, my chair was still moving and I almost went past my binder entirely. The mad scramble went on and during this I managed to flatten the dreaded rubber chicken dog toy and it made a long baleful squawk that summoned both dogs to see what the heck I was doing to that chicken. I very nearly dragged everything off the desk while trying to stop my spinning chair. I somehow managed to catch everything. I couldn't recreate that scene if I tried.

Thank God the nephew was not home to witness it.

Radical change of topic: On my Pandora channel the evil Pandora imps snuck in a weird song on me called "Dark Cloud" by Alice Rose. The first time I heard it, some weeks back, I thought it was the most ridiculous song since "My friend foot foot" because this chick sounds like a bad Marilyn Monroe impersonator and it is more like talking than singing. I should hate it so, so bad. But there are these minor chords... which I like. And I also like that janky beat that it has...And the song is weird enough to make me want to listen to it... just to see. And then I let it play some other times and damned if I don't find myself looking forward to it and being riveted when it plays. Nevermind the fact that she is singing the story of why I don't take a new lover. Here's the youtube address.

I know. I hated it the first few times. But... if you listen to it about 6 times, it's in your bones.

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