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2015-12-22 - 4:42 p.m.

I had a terrible experience today. It was almost a repeat of the Terrible Turkey Day Tumble. I did not fall, but I almost did.

Early today, an eagerly anticipated package was delivered to my doorstep. I went to retrieve the package and when I bent over to get it, Jax ran past me like he had just snatched a purse. I had to drop everything and run after his speedy little ass. Since I work at home, I almost always wear my jammies or a soft nightie while I work until some point in the afternoon when I feel like I should put on some clothes. It was not that time of day yet, so I had to do all this dog chasing in my nightie. It was full-on midday, and I'm running down my street like a ninny, wearing a flimsy gown. Giving a free show to the neighborhood. Jax thought we were having a great time. His fuzzy ears were flapping in the wind and he was don't-even-caring as I ran behind him screaming his name. I'll have you know he visited every yard this side of the intersection. He would let me get not quite close enough to grab him before he'd dart away again. Finally he had to poop, so I got the chance to get him. I was all "Good boy... what a good puppy.. in sweet lilting tones as I got close enough to grab him up my the scruff of the neck and squeeze him like a pack of Charmin (that needed an ass whoop). When I got him in the house, I put him down and just screamed at him. "YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU DON'T GOOOOOOOOOO OUT THE FRONT DOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAD! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!"

He decided it would be a good time to lay down and shut up. Wisest choice he's made all day.

At one point I almost fell down and I was thinking "Again?". Apparently Jax is trying to kill me. I'm going to take him to the vet and get him micro-chipped. Then if he ever gets lost, hopefully someone will return him to a vet and they can call me. I felt like if I didn't catch him, he would be gone forever. I just don't think he would be returned unless someone with a conscience knew where he belonged and couldn't bear to steal my beloved pet. He didn't have on tags or anything. So I've got to remedy that. Collar, tags, micro-chip. I was bare footed and I ran all over the road and through people's yards without thinking about my poor feets. The bottoms of my feet feel like they've been sanded.

Yesterday Jax had a traumatizing experience himself. He was humping the doggie bed (she is a hussy) and his junk came out to a weird extent. Like, I've never seen anything like it. Not just his lipstick came out. His glands came out too and he did not know what to think about this. He seemed very upset. He tucked his tail and hunkered over to me, rather gingerly, like he was injured. I looked at it and didn't quite know what to do. I googled for answers and someone said it would go back in after about 5 minutes. So after that time had passed, I picked him up and looked and it was getting smaller and just about to go back in. When it went in, he yelped. WTF? Maybe it was a weird sensation? I don't know. But he was just DONE for the day. He went to bed and I didn't hear another peep out of him for the night.

It's always something with this guy.

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