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2015-11-02 - 1:22 p.m.

I had an interesting dream last night. I was at a house full of people, like I often am in my dreams. I was "getting ready" and I was very excited because the guy I love was coming over. I was very focused on this visit and I was over the moon that he was coming over. The house had other visitors and I didn't care at all that the house was full of people. I was not interested in the others. My only concern was that my guy was coming over. I could see all through the house, as if a camera was panning around and I saw my first fiance (I had a sudden epiphany on the way to the wedding pulled a runaway bride maneuver on that poor guy). He was sitting on an ottoman, playing a guitar and singing. He had a little crowd around him enjoying his performance and he looked better in this dream than he ever looked on the finest day of his youth. He was a body builder back in the day and looked pretty good when we dated. I saw him and noted how talented and handsome he seemed and also noted that I didn't have one feeling for him. Complete indifference. My ex-husband was there, similarly looking good and appearing as he did in his prime. I had complete indifference to him as well. Another guy I used to date who was known for his good looks and girl magnet status was there and I was experiencing a stark absence of give-a-fuck. It seemed important that these guys were all there and I didn't care at all.

But I was jazzed about my C coming to see me. He was late, but he finally showed up and I was so happy. This was what I was waiting for and the rest could just fade through the floor for all I cared. When I realized he was there I was all of a sudden in a big rush. It was like I had messed around too long and wasn't quite ready yet. So I was slinging it together as fast as I could to get down stairs to see him. He looked just like he looks, his hair was down and ODDLY ENOUGH, I now see him with his hair all the way as long as it really is, when I dream about him. I used to always dream that his hair was about collar length and really, it's much longer than that. I've never understood why I always dreamed him with noticeably shorter hair than he really has because I love the long hair. For the last year or two, his hair has been long in my dreams.

I don't know if that is because I finally see him for the way he really is, or if it's because I used to have a subconscious wish for him to be "more conventional" and the haircut was a symbol of a more conventional presentation. I love his hair and had no waking wish for him to cut it, other than trimming the ends.

So all my exes were in the dream, but I only cared about him. Just like real life. All my exes have contacted me, but I only want one. Ironically, the guy my true love was so convinced I wanted instead of him was not even represented in the dream, because he was not a real ex. Only people I've actually known and dated in real life, in person, were represented in the dream.

The dream ended when I woke up. I was with my guy and happy when the damn dog woke me up. My eldest canine sidekick is not adjusted to the time change yet and was ready to get up. I hate for a dream to be interrupted like that, but it's probably the reason I remember it.

Pandora radio is having problems today. It keeps stopping mid-song and changing to another song. I've restarted it a couple of times and it's still doing it.

I have soooooooo much work to do today. I'd better get back to it.

I miss your mug, Mister Man.

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