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2015-06-12 - 1:45 p.m.

My mom has cancelled her plane tickets because they've decided to drive to Colorado. That's 2 days of riding in the car and a hotel sleepover, instead of 3 hours on a plane. This makes no sense to me.

My mom is in a weird place, mentally. She has always been in a hurry to get old. I remember when she was 48 and her main topic was retirement. When she bought the new car before the one they drive now she told me it was probably their last car. I said "Only if you are run over by a steam roller or an airplane toilet seat drops out of the sky and lands on you." She's just so ready to be old. This attitude of hers is killing me.

She was bitching about being "stuck" in her town for 30 years when she never wanted to live there in the first place and I pointed out to her that she went there to help out in case the grandparents died. Then they ALL DID, and she stayed there. Now she stays because her brother is getting old and he might need help someday. It is nuts to plan your life around the possibility of someone maybe needing your help at some point. That's as crazy as dumping your devoted girlfriend because she might someday cheat, maybe. Possibly. Dump that feisty Irish girl before she wakes up and realizes you're not sincere!

So anyways... my mom told me I need to plan my life according to what I may have to do one day. She's been thinking about me moving too far away to run back and do favors. She deserves someone to do stuff for her and I'm sure I'll get plenty of chances to do so.

This is what I told her: You have gone to see about your brother before and you bring him here for his cancer check ups, but all the time you spend with him combined is a small, tiny fraction of your life experiences. You are designing your whole life around the 1% of time he *might* need you instead of the 99% of the rest of your life when he doesn't need you. You should live your life based on the 99%, not the 1%. When that crisis happens, it's going to be inconvenient no matter where you live, so you might as well enjoy your life and only deal with disaster when it occurs. Don't gear your whole existence around possible crises that could happen.

Yesterday she was saying that it would not be crazy for me to liquidate my stuff and travel the world. "You are young enough to do that." she said. Today, it's too risky to fly and too risky to follow your dreams, according to mom. She is in a fearful state of mind right now. Thank God I'm in charge of my own life. I'm glad I was born a rebel who doesn't really give much of a rip about what other people expect of me.

I'm in a mood today. I don't feel like working, I'm super glad it's Friday, and I'm annoyed with just about everything.

Is this what it's like to need a drink? I think it might be.

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