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2015-04-24 - 2:57 p.m.

The soon-to-be widow has asked for the nephew to be a pall bearer at her husband's funeral. We still don't have a guest of honor for our funeral, but she is making the decisions right now. Apparently the shindig is imminent.

Yesterday, my dad posted on FB that his brother would not likely live through the night. Of course, we've already heard that story, like 2 weeks ago. No one can really know when my Uncle will shuffle off this mortal coil. When he gets damn good and ready, I'm guessing.

So my nephew, God love him, is a full-on bonehead. I've had to face this reality time and again. He was not too keen on the idea of even attending the funeral until he heard that he was requested as polar bear. I knew that this would make him feel special and motivate him to go. As expected, he was all for it. I told him that my mother would let us know when uncle has passed away and will give us the funeral info. At that point we will know how to plan our travel arrangements. I told him that he should tell his boss that his uncle is dying and that he has been asked to be a pall bearer, out of state, so he will need to be able to roll out on short notice when the call comes.

Instead of doing what I told him to do, Bohunkus decides to take off immediately. I noticed he was prematurely packing a bag, since we still don't have a stiff to honor... and I asked him what he was doing. He proudly announced that he told his boss his uncle died and it was funeral time and he has to go, right now. He told his boss that his uncle had already died so he could get away quicker.

Me and this kid have been around and around about the fact that he needs to develop a work ethic and professional integrity. Once again, I stood there trying to make him see that lying to the boss has put him in a bad spot and could blow up in his face if my uncle didn't die as predicted last night. (which he didn't)

Nephew's response was "Too late, done now. They need me too much to fire me." I said "Not too late. Call your boss. Tell the boss that you misunderstood, uncle has not died yet but soon will and you can come to work tomorrow if needed, but you just need to be able to leave on short notice when the death does occur." Nephew slaps that logic quickly to the ground and says he is going out of town, gonna have a "Vacay". Everyone else got a vacay and it isn't fair, because he is expected to not have a vacay. Vacay, vacay vacay. He used his new favorite word about 3 dozen times. I told him that if he stuck with a job more than 6 months HE TOO would get a "vacay". ::flat stare::

adjective: impetuous

acting or done quickly and without thought or care.
"her friend was headstrong and impetuous"
synonyms: impulsive, rash, hasty, overhasty, reckless, heedless, careless, foolhardy, bullheaded, headstrong, incautious, imprudent, injudicious, ill-considered, unthought-out

So this shining example of impetuousness has left town for the funeral that we don't have a dead guy for. In his fail-strategy mind, uncle was going to die right on time and this would all work out like clock work without him being exposed as the lying weasel he is. If it were not for the suffering that the family and the uncle are going through, I would hope my uncle lasts another 6 weeks or so just so my nephew would have to tuck his tail and go back to work, not having attended a funeral.

I tried to get him to hear reason and for once in his life do the smart thing instead of the illogical spur of the moment thing, but talking to him is like trying to reason with a brick. He told me how hot, miserable, and under-paying his job is and this is why he needs this untimely, unearned vacay. This gave me the opportunity to say "Ah... shall we harken back to what I said to you about 3 months ago when you were considering this job?" He started laughing, because he knows I told his dumb ass that this job would be hot, miserable, thankless, and UNDERPAID. He accused me of being a dream killer. LOL.

I'm a dream killer. I'm a vacay ruiner. I'm a parade rainer. A blanket of wetness. I just want to harsh his mellow and steal his joy.

I do not remember squeezing his giant melon out my dainty hoohah... oh wait.. I'm the Aunt.

And the fun ruiner.

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