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2016-01-17 - 12:37 a.m.

Funeral day. It was estimated that around 600 people came to the viewing yesterday evening. The funeral was standing room only. The boy must have done something right, ya know? He was well loved in this community.

It was disturbing to me to see him. He looked as good as a dead guy can look, I suppose. His face looks different with none of the characteristic smirk and mischief that was always there. He also had twinkly blue eyes. His brother's eyes are just like his were. His have been donated.

Bleh. Today was pure torture. After the funeral, some people brought all the flowers and potted plants to the house. It looks like a florist shop up in here. My sister gave me a beautiful plant to take home. I woke up sad today and didn't do as well today as I have for the past 2 days. Probably because shock had me in a different place and today I'm just feeling it more.

My sister recorded a love song for him and in this way, sang at her own husband's funeral. This tore everybody down. Then they played 2 more heart wrenching songs that were specially chosen and then there was a track of one horrible goodbye song after another while all the people filed by one by one to pay their last respects. Sitting right behind the widow is a BAD CHOICE if you don't want to just heave and cry. All in all, it was ok. I didn't get up and throw myself over the coffin or anything.

I am soooo ready to go home and just lick my wounds and throw myself into my work. I told my daughter that I guess I'll never have to have that experience of being the widow and she said "Do you think if something happened to Corey you wouldn't be a complete basket case?" I said "Well yeah, but I wouldn't have to do it publicly and sit there hearing gut wrenching music while people filed by for a torturous eternity."

Listen people, if you ever start feeling shortness of breath up outta nowhere, get thyself to an ER. Insist on a CT scan to look for a pulmonary embolism. my sister told me he had a sore ankle for a while and had no memory of hitting it or injuring it. He had a clot there that traveled to the lung and it killed him. Big, strong, young man.

I can feel the presence of my bro in law. He was with me outside this morning. I could feel his arm around me. He called me sis. I've gotten a few wild coincidences that I feel are messages from him. Example: as a joke, I give him a bottle of poo pouri for Christmas every year. So the day he died, the first time I signed on to facebook after the news that he was dead, I saw a thing he posted the morning he died that said "January 13, 2016 - So if the Son sets you free, then you will be really free. John 3:56" I think if was "56". That seems like he was saying that he has been set free. He posted it about 6.5 hours before he died, not knowing he would die that day. Right after that was a groupon offering for a deal on PooPouri. A joke from him. And on down, there was a thing that said he "liked" this travel company and there was a beautiful otherworldly looking photo of nature and the words said "Experiencing breath taking wonders and natural beauty" which is what I assume a soul can do once it has been freed from this human bondage. I said to him "Is that what you are doing bro? Experiencing breath taking wonders?"

I'm open to that sort of thing so I believe that spirits can send messages and people who are open to them can receive.

We are energy and energy doesn't die. It just changes form.

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