2020-08-24 - 3:15 p.m.
My mom...
I don't know if it was just her sense of humor, or if she has slipped a cog, but at the family birthday party, she announced that if I get any cuter, I'm going to need a street light to stand under. I said "Are you saying I have a bright future as a ho?" and she laughed and said "Everybody gonna want some. You'll make a fortune."
Ok. I'm almost as cute as a successful ho. I guess I'll take it.
Birthday festivities were a big success. The cheesecake I made.... was so good it needs a street light to stand under. So. Good. I have one piece of it left and it is in the fridge whispering to me. I'm not eating it till tonight. No matter what it says.
I spent all of Sunday just doing whatever I wanted. It was awesome. I laid around, read articles, watched TV, played with my dogs, made a batch of dog food, and in the evening, I decided to load Second Life to my newest laptop. I had never loaded the game to this laptop before, surprisingly enough, but then, I have not been in Second Life in so many months. Maybe years. There is a little backstory needed here for you to get the full scope of what I'm going to tell about my evening:
For any new readers who may see this... I once had a man that I loved very much. He was a crazy genius (literally) and I knew he was trouble, but he was my ONE. So, I fell totally in love, he was everything I could ever want, until he flaked out after about 5 years and split. After a time, he came back, I took him back because I hopelessly loved him. We split a few times and went back together. So... at some point we were split up (because I didn't want to live together permanently without being married) and after a while, I decided to write his ass off for good. He couldn't be relied upon. Hurt me too many times. Part of my write off of his aforementioned ass was to get a new distraction. I heard about this virtual reality game where you make an avatar and build it a life. They have an economy and you can buy and sell. There was an 18 year old making 300 US dollars a week selling virtual reality surfboards. Fascinating. I joined. I got crazy addicted to it, became one with my avatar, and had a job in there and everything. It was nuts. I met a guy... we got on like a house fire, and we became "partnered" in the game. It's like being married. I would never be with that guy in real life, but he was a fun game partner. This went blissfully along for a good while...
But stupid me...I wanted my real life beloved guy in there with me. I knew he would love it because he is a computer guy and would really like building virtual reality content. So I lured his writ-off ass into the game. I showed him how to build. He loved it, just as I knew he would. Things between us were weird, because we were being "friends". He knew I had a partner in the game and he didn't like it, but he acknowledged that it was none of his business and he was just there for friendship, maybe. Pretty soon though, it caught fire and we were back in lurve. I cut my partner loose, we started building and creating and being together through virtual reality every spare moment. Many conversations were had, which I copied and pasted into note cards. This was good, because these are now conversations I can pull out and read. Our note card conversations were very frequent for a long while, but got less prolific when we went to voice talk in game, using headphones with mics. I got wireless headphones so I could walk around my apartment and still talk to him. But there were still times we typed messages because we didn't want others to hear us, or I would send him messages if he wasn't online and he would send me messages if I wasn't on. And, our last break up happened while we were very busily engaged in Second life businesses and we had some arguments in there via notecard. So, in the end of our Second Life days together, we had broken up, and during the break up, I couldn't enjoy Second Life anymore and stopped playing. We were broke up, but he was checking on me... messaging my Dad, my nephew, sending me little messages of concern. He called me sometimes saying he could feel me. Which was his way of telling me that he was coming back around. I had decided I was definitely going to take him back because love, dammit. But he was in a car accident in July of 2016 and he died.
That is a lot of backstory and believe me, I could make it sooooo much longer... but all that to say this: Last night I started reading note cards that I had saved between him and me. I read funny ones, happy ones, arguments, lovey stuff, just friends stuff, all kinds of conversations. I spent a few hours reading messages and lengthy conversations. At the end of the evening, I felt just exactly how I used to feel when he and I spent hours together talking in there. It was just exactly as if he was there, talking to me again. I had an evening with him and it was exactly like the real thing was when the messages were saved. There are more that I haven't read and I will read them again and again when I miss him. I'm healed from his loss now and I know that he was non-sustainable if he had lived I would have taken him back and he would have hurt me again. And I would have taken him back the next time and he would have hurt me again. And again. Rinse and repeat. But it was just the thing last night. It was a great time.
Dang, I didn't mean to write a novel.
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