2020-08-12 - 1:47 p.m.
I have made a discovery. I've had a rough freakin' 4 years and it's changed me a bit.
Once again, I gots to mention my ole pal DangerSpouse. (look him up) He made the comment that caused my epiphany. I went back and did some spot reading in my own blog. Early stuff on through current stuff. I started reading the beginning, which is somewhat cringey in places, and then started skipping through according to which titles piqued my interest. In doing so, I noticed a thing. Some of my light has dimmed over the last 4 years. It was the death of my true love, flawed as Hell as he was, that took some of my spirit away and I haven't been the same since. He was so much of what I was living for, even when we were apart. I loved him so much and that loss really knocked the wind out of me. It changed me, but I think it is something I can consciously let go of, maybe.
I think this dimming of my light is a subconscious thing. It shows up in my writing but not in my interactions with my family and friends that I see all the time. I guess I still let the Babadook out of the basement in here.
So I was reading and I noticed that I had more optimism, more spirit, and more energy in my writing. Even when writing about bad stuff, I was lighter and brighter. I also attribute some of this to politics over the last 4 years. I will not get into it in detail here, but let's just say I am sorely distressed to see Marxism making a big comeback. I worry about losing my freedom and prosperity. There is no other place to go if the US goes tits up. When Cuba went commie, people could flee to here and live the American Dream. People who have fled oppression came here and they love this country and what it stands for. They will tell you that statues were being destroyed and history renderings changed before their country turned into a desolate wasteland of oppression. This generation that is stupidly trying to force us all into that same kind of oppression will only know after they succeed just how egregiously wrong they've been. All of the ugliness and violence and danger have taken a toll. They are messing it up for themselves and all of us.
Nuff said about that.
But I see a trend here and I think less exposure to shit that drags me down is in order. The realization of this change in me in itself will help me combat it. I want to go back to the colorful little ray of sunshine I used to be. Har Har.
Woot!
�
�
