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2018-05-22 - 8:09 p.m.

Everyone is a jackass, it's hot as balls here, my pergola was removed off my new house and I have demanded it be replaced this week or else I'm not buying the new house. The realtor I hired to sell my house is an asshole and I want to choke her. The lender keeps calling me every day with more stuff he needs me to do or find out for him. I hate everyone. I have to get out of my house in about 10 days and I really am not entirely sure it's going to happen. My stress level has gone completely off the charts. I didn't want to tell either of my bosses that I'm moving and ended up having to tell them and let them be questioned about my future employment with them by the lender. You would think a simple employment verification would suffice. But noooooooo they want to know if I will still have a job out into the future.

I'd like to undo this whole thing. Well... part of me would. The other part of me cannot get out of here fast enough. Soon there will be road crews widening the road that goes to my neighborhood and this is going to make a bad traffic situation much worse. Hurricane season starts on June 1. It's already 9 degrees hotter than Hell here while my new home town is still having cool temperatures in the 60's and low 70's. Meanwhile it was 97 degrees here the other day and 90s all week.

Let me tell my weird dream: I dreamed that a guy I know (I've never been romantically involved with him in any way) came to my house to see me. I was wearing lingerie and he was very amorous and lovey towards me. I was happy to see him too and we got close enough to kiss. I was feeling .... eh.... flattered? by this attention. As in.. I was not really feeling it, but I was glad he was so interested in me. It was like we had been dating or something. While he was very close to me, he smiled and I could see that behind his straight, white teeth, was a full set of brown, long, scary, horrible looking teeth. There were some kind of wires in there. It was very weird and I thought to myself "He's rotten inside". I could see that he thought I couldn't see his secret and it was like he was trying to fool me. I backed away and was thinking about what I might have to do to get rid of him. That's when I woke up.

I know where a lot of it came from. It's mostly my subconscious mind trying to work out the fact that my true love that I loved so much was really wrong on the inside. There was shit wrong with that boy. He did me wrong and then he died before he could make it right. I think I dreamed about him because I watched a video on youtube with a guy on it that looked a lot like my guy and reminded me very much of him. He was being very lovey to his girlfriend in the video like my guy used to be to me. I think about it too much and my feelings sway and move from time to time. Lately I've been feeling like I was a fool and should have spotted the crazy instead of falling in love with it.

::le sigh::

I'm not in the best place right now. I will be much much better after I get moved and my life calms down. I will start writing about better things. Looking forward to living again...

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