Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2018-05-06 - 2:50 p.m.

I'm here to bitch some more.

I'm in a state of stressy, irritable, restlessness. I am uncomfortable with all the uncertainty and extremely anxious to get this chapter of my life closed. It's no fun selling one house and buying another, and moving, and all the many details that have to be answered. I may have mentioned a time or 50 that I don't like to handle the little details of life. Sometimes I just feel sooooo tired. I have crazy thoughts when I'm stressed. Ridiculous thoughts even.

Let me count my blessings: (Aside from the obvious things like health and family.) I think counting my blessings associated with this move might make me feel better.

My house did sell, warp speed. This means I don't have to panic about double mortgage payments. I could have lost thousands, continuing to pay the outrageous property taxes, plus the principal, interest, and insurance on this house while also paying those costs for my new house. So shame on me for acting like the world is ending. I can probably close this deal on May 30 and then long distance close my new deal the following day. This allows me to use my equity in this house as a down payment for my next loan, keeping my mortgage payments down lower for the much more expensive house that I'm buying. I'll pay around the same payment for that house and it's almost twice as expensive as this house was. I'm finally doing the thing people usually do... you buy a house, live in it 5 years, sell it at a profit, buy a more expensive house, rinse and repeat until you live in the Taj Mahal, just in time to be old AF and sell it to downsize. So I guess I am on track now. At long last.

The first house I bought was with Mr. Wrong, my ex husband. We bought a starter house and never moved beyond that because we were broke ass and he was squirreling away money for large purchases for himself and spending like we had plenty while telling everyone I was the reason we had a hard time financially. He was buying 3 wheelers and hunting stands and hiding them at his friend's house while I was doing without stuff and juggling what little we had to cover the bills. I can't believe I only divorced him and didn't just kill him and be a widow. #poorchoices

Annnnyways... I got a fantastic deal on the house I am selling and I made a big profit on it. I hope it does not fall through, but if it does, I'm firing my realtor and selling it myself. I really don't want that to happen since I am way past ready to be done dealing with it. I'm putting those profits into this more expensive house that is in a nice area in a town that the city is pouring millions into for new hospitals and stuff. The value is on the rise, so I think I will do well again over the next few years in value. I got the builder to come down on the price and I was told they just simply do not do that. I'm a pretty good negotiator.

I'm in a hurry to get moved so I can start living again. It's like limbo when you are in process of some big move like this. I don't want to buy anything... cause moving. I don't even want to buy grocery items that I may not use up this month. Soon, I won't be buying green bananas. My parents are moving too, so they are busy. My sister is available sometimes, but I feel vulnerable right now and I kind of need some hand holding. It's times like these that I kind of wish I had a husband. I have a deficit of joy right now because I love this house and I'm having to detach from it. The things I have to look forward to are too far out of reach to help me much. I feel anxious all the time. I'm scared to check my email for fear of bad news or someone asking me for answers I don't have. I'm kind of fragile emotionally right now and I might have the urge to cry at any moment. Sudden surprise tears are never good. I'm not going to be better till this ordeal is over. I can't wait.

I have a million things to do. I've got to sort my stuff. The movers came to do an estimate and they say I have 10% too much stuff for one truck. I can get rid of a good bit. I'm not taking my big computer chair, because it has a problem I can't fix and I need to replace it anyway. I have a sofa and chair I could sell. There's a desk and dresser in the nephew's room that are not going. My massage chair has a mechanical problem and needs re-upholstering so I'm thinking of leaving it. I could sell my formal dining furniture and not miss it. Maybe my marble top smaller table and chairs from the breakfast nook could be sold. I'm going to toss almost all my nephew's stuff that I told him to take with him when he went back to his mom. He has not done that, so.... off it goes. I know that eliminating those items would take care of the overage. I have big heavy office furniture with desk, credenza, long table, large bookcase and small bookcase, plus 3 computers and a pretty big table top printer/fax/copier, living room furniture, tables and lamps, 2 big beds and one day bed with trundle, 1 armoire, 3 night tables, and a big heavy treadmill. I am pretty sure all those things plus my boxes of stuff will fit on one truck. If so, the movers estimate it will cost $4300 to move me from here to my new home. Why did I want to do this again?


I will be happy and joyful when the move is done and I am living in this fabulous house in a beautiful place, where there are 4 seasons and mountains and my family. I've been isolated for more than 10 years now and I am ready to be with my people again. I'm ready to have people to do things with. I'm ready for Sunday dinners with my folks. I want to have some good years with my parents before they get sickly or senile or dead. God forbid. That is why I'm doing this.

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!