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2018-03-15 - 11:31 p.m.

Alexa has lost her damn mind. I saw on the news that Echo devices are piping up with laughter for no reason. People think that's creepy.

Let me tell you about my creepy Alexa experience. Two mornings ago, I was in my bed, sleeping blissfully at 7:30, because I am lucky enough to get to sleep in till 8:45 am every work day. Anyways... I was asleep, the dogs were sacked out, the house was ever so quiet and peaceful when all of a sudden, I was awakened by the sound of one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. "The Arsonist" by Puscifer was playing on blast from my silent office. Neither of my dogs can enunciate well enough to say "Alexa, play The Arsonist by Puscifer".

I was a little bit afraid to come out of my bedroom, because only by asking Alexa nicely and enunciating very clearly can you get the song played. Who asked?

Maybe it's a fluke of technology and a total coincidence that she happened to pick an obscure song that got zero radio play and happens to be a favorite song of mine by a favorite band of mine and my dearly departed sweetheart's. I woke up hearing it and thinking of the time he and I went to a Puscifer concert and I got caught trying to take a picture. There was a sea of cameras, but I was the person the security guy singled out for breaking the rules. A security guard came up and started saying that I would have to leave. I didn't hear him at first and just sat there, so he made the most unfortunate mistake of touching me on the shoulder. My guy moved so fast, he almost went back in time. In a flash, he was out of his seat and right in that security guard's face. He looked enraged too. It was kind of shocking, actually. He said "You don't need to ever touch her, dude." I just knew that we were about to get thrown out or arrested. Apparently, the security guard decided this was not a situation he wanted to pursue and he left us alone! I expected a gaggle of security guys or cops to come back and escort us out but it didn't happen. He just made the decision in that moment that this was over. I guess they were not paying him enough to be mashed into a greasy spot by a large angry looking man.

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