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2018-02-06 - 3:04 a.m.

My last entry was a week ago. I was dreading my annual health check that I am forced to do, against my will every year. Next year I might not do it. I might just pay the higher health insurance premiums, dammit.

I am still bruised, a week later. Usually it goes better than this year's blood draw. By shit luck or a prank from God I was called back by what appeared to be a nervous teenager. She was very sweet and I succumbed to an uncharacteristic urge to be nice rather than ask for someone old enough to have had some experience at phlebotomy. This was a mistake. One that I won't be making ever again. I'm not afraid of the needle, so I let her have a stab or three. We tried my right arm first. The vein was right there. I saw it, she saw it. She went on about what great veins I have. Then she couldn't stick that vein to save either of our lives. She dug around under the skin, sticking, withdrawing, sticking again. After an awfully long episode of her digging under my skin with a needle, I suggested we go for another vein. I have lots of 'em. So she found another fantastic easy peasy vein. Oh the confidence was blinding there for a moment. Aaaaand she missed. She somehow caused the vein to bleed a plenty, but not into the tube. She blew my vein. There was a growing lump of blood in there. So I said "Forget about arms, I got hands." I figured any plankton big enough to hold a syringe could get some blood out of a hand vein. She stuck me in the back of my hand, which is substantially less fun than the arms, and she somehow managed to not be able to get blood out. That vein could be seen from outer space, but she couldn't hit it with that needle. She dug around in there and she hit a few spots that hurt. I was losing my saint-like patience at this point. She called in another girl and that girl was immediately able to get it positioned right and get both tubes with no problem. ::flat stare::

While the other other girl was working on me (the one who was capable of drawing blood) the fetus who tried to stab me to death with needles said "Boy, you really didn't want to pay those higher premiums."

Next time I am going to say I have rolling veins and I need to see the most experienced lab tech they have. If I even agree to do another health check.

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