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2016-12-17 - 9:21 p.m.

On Friday, I saw something online about "last minute Christmas shopping" and it lit a fire under me. I was startled by it, since I've been living in a fool's paradise, thinking there was the best part of a month left to shop and wrap gifts. It's not like they move Christmas. You'd think I would see it coming one year.

I guess I'm mostly done. My Christmas list is shrinking. Last year, we lost 2 significant others in my family. One of them was my brother-in-law and he has 3 kids and a grandchild that I bought gifts for last year. I'm not going to see them this year, since we are having Christmas in a different town this year. I thought I should buy gifts for them anyway and send them back with my sister, but if I do, it will show up the rest of the family. What to do, eh?

I don't remember if I already mentioned that I ordered an anti-barking collar for my little yapper, Jax. It is a no shock, no pain collar that emits a warning beep after 2 barks and then if another bark happens, it vibrates. Dogs don't care for that very much and it makes them stop barking. They learn quickly that the barking brings on the vibration and they want to avoid that shizz. The reviews are pretty good. We shall see if it works on my crew. I'm going to try it on both dogs and see who responds. If I like it a lot and it works on both of them I'll order a second one. Jax has gotten into a bad habit of going outside just to bark. Even if there are no other dogs out. He will bark at nothing and it drives my poor neighbor crazy. There is only one neighbor without a dog around here, so he hears every single peep. The rest of us dog owners are desensitized to it. I hope the collar works. Right now I have to monitor Jax very closely to make sure he is not being a jerk and that is a lot of hassle for me. It should be here in the next couple of days.

I've been struggling with the babadook a bit lately. My grief has kicked up for some reason. ::sigh:: Whatcha gonna do? I dreamed about him last night and it was one of those dreams where he has come back to me and he won't look me in the eye at first, but then he comes around and transforms right in front of my eyes back into the sweetheart I fell in love with.

He had contacted my nephew and my sister each within a few months before he died and I have found out since that he was no longer living with the other woman. This means he was about to cycle back around... he was already starting the beginnings of that by reaching out to my family.. testing the water. He was about to find some reason to make contact and then I was about to take his ass back and then in a few years he would probably betray me again. Rinse. Repeat. Maybe God loves me and didn't want me to do that to myself again. Har har. Yeah, that must be it.

Recently, my daughter was here for Thanksgiving and she stayed on for a week so we could spend some time together. One evening, I was at my computer and she was on the couch in the living room, watching TV. As I sat here, I felt a warm hand on my back. When I turned around, no one was there. My daughter was still in the same position on the couch. I said "You didn't just come in here and touch me did you?" She looked at me with the funniest expression.

I ain't afraid of no ghosts.


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