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2016-08-08 - 10:46 p.m.

I'm alive.

Unlike some people I could name.


Grief does weird things to my head. I was going to say it does weird things to everyone's head, but I don't know if that is true.

I think the longing to stop knowing this thing that hurts me with a pain I don't know how to stop or ease makes me want to change everything. So I went out and had my hair radically changed and I've been looking at real estate online with crazy ideas running through my head about just going sooner than planned. I think this is a part of the grief, so I guess I should slow my roll.

I let them wack off my hair to collar length. I've never had my hair this short in my life, since I was too young to object when my mom thought a short hair do would be cute. It's not too short, right around collar length, but I also went blond so it's QUITE different from my usual look. Turns out, my coloring works with the blond hair. I am a non-freckled redhead with green eyes and the blond hair kind of gives me a brightness and makes my eyes show up greener so I think it's good for now. I want to be someone else for a while.

I want to reinvent myself and figure out what the hell I'm going to do now.


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