2016-08-04 - 3:53 p.m.
There is a movie called "The Babadook". I think it is still on Netflix if anyone is interested.
It looked like a horror movie from the ads and I watched it, but found it to be very depressing and not really a horror story at all. It is about depression and grief. A woman loses her young husband very unexpectedly and the babadook is just a manifestation of her grief and pain. It takes the form of a scary supernatural being. In the end, she has it locked up in her basement and she feeds it.
You should not feed your depression and grief. I'm trying not to feed mine.
In fact, my method for getting this horrible tragedy off my mind during work hours so I can function is to mentally imagine kicking the babadook down the stairs and locking the door. Every time the thought tries to sneak in there, I kick that fucker back down the stairs and slam the door. It is helping me.
I can't just listen to Pandora because every song is about my situation or reminds me of something he and I did together. I have been listening to interesting videos on youtube that can keep my mind engaged on something other than my favorite dead guy.
Overall, I am doing better, in that I am no longer in shock. I couldn't eat or sleep right for a long while and I finally cooked a decent meal a couple of days ago. Until then, I was just drinking Atkins shakes and eating very little. I was "too sad to chew" and certainly too sad to cook. But now I am putting it all in perspective and trying to process the fact that he is no more.
UGH. How is this better?