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2016-07-10 - 11:50 a.m.

I am a lifelong rebel and many times it has given me some trouble, but overall it seems to work. You know what? It's deeper than that. I'm not so much a rebel as I am a person who follows her intuition and listens to her own inner voice, whether or not it agrees with the world around her. A lot of my journey so far has been spent going against what other people have tried to impose on me. I can't live my life someone elses way. I have to do what I think is right. I'm not good at changing my focus just because someone else disagrees with my plan. I don't live my life according to other people's labels. I reject the notion that I "can't" or "shouldn't" do a thing I know I need to do.

People don't necessarily steer you wrong on purpose. They are going by their perception of what is right or what they think will work out well. My mother loves me more than her own life, but if I had listened to her, I'd be broke and still married to Mr. Wrong. She told me that college is something lazy people do to avoid real work. And she was serious. When I bought my first computer, she thought it was a horrendous waste of money. She told me "You can't eat that computer, or drive it to a job." Without that first computer, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere. The love of my life wanted me to not attend any seminars. He had this idea that people screw around on their mates while they are at seminars. I suppose he was thinking of "conventions" in male dominated industries. I have no doubt there are some conventions that are just drunken debacles, but professional educational seminars are not about partying and my field is overwhelmingly female. He just couldn't have been more wrong. These seminars absolutely gave me the knowledge, ability, and credentials to do what I'm doing today.

It's extremely fortunate for me that I am not a spineless chameleon in relationships, especially since my guy would have left me anyway over something else and then I would have been sad and broke instead of just sad. Either a person loves you or they don't. If they love you, they will not consider abandoning you, they will work it out, whatever it is, because... love. If they don't love you, there is nothing you can do to keep them anyway, so you may as well follow your intuition and just do your best.

I think that the right thing to do is to endeavor to develop yourself to your fullness. Follow your dreams and create the life you want to live for yourself. Either you will somehow cross paths with someone who will really love you or you won't. The object of the game is to be whole either way.

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