Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2016-02-19 - 10:23 a.m.

I was thinking how very happy I am that it is Friday and then I realized that I am going to be working all weekend and I am feeling pretty sick and tired of working weekends. I am going to finish the big backlog at my new facility though (if it kills me or harelips the pope) and then things can get back to normal. My boss on my main job has just arbitrarily given me a task that takes 2 full work days to complete and this is to be added to the rest of the stuff I do for the next "couple of weeks". I don't know how she expects me to do that when I already have a full load of stuff to do. I guess we are into magical thinking now.

My dogs have been needy little bastids all morning. They've had their breakfast, cheese bites, treats, cuddles, gone outside for business numerous times and yet, they need. They Neeeeeeeed. Both want to sit on my lap while I'm working and the baby just wants to chase my fingers and try to play the game where he bites whatever he can catch. That game is significantly more fun for him than it is for whomever is playing it with him. Eventually, after tolerating a lot of puppy wrestling happening between my face and my computer screen, I decided it was nap time and everyone had to go to their carriers. I put my older boy in first and this was Jax's cue to go get on the couch and act like he is impossibly sleepy and oh so ready for a couch nap. I knew if I let him stay out of the box it would feel like punishment for the other guy and then Jax would be right next to my chair, scratching my wrist within minutes. I put them in their carriers and they just settle right down and be quiet. I can get a lot more done with them snoozing in their carriers. Makes a peaceful setting.

I had to have a repair man come fix my dishwasher and he found a glass shard and a metal thing that came off one of my spatulas lodged in the drain motor. So the machine wouldn't drain the water. Simple fix for him, and a quick hundred bucks. Thank goodness there's a such thing as an appliance repairman though. I googled possible ways to fix a non-draining dishwasher and decided it is not my calling in life to open up dishwashers and mess with their inner workings.

I had another dream where my ex from Philly was directing things, but we were in Second Life and the whole thing was played out in avatars. I haven't been in game in a long time. I have no spare time. Me and my sister might go in one of these days to explore and see what's new. Her dearly departed "wouldn't let" her do SL. I guess he wasn't so crazy though... My beloved cultivated a secret friendship in there and now he is shacked up with her. But his penis was all the way across the country from her during their skype sessions while I was asleep so that could not be considered cheating. In any way. Ever.

So many countless marriages and long term relationships have been ruined by one party meeting an avatar that says everything they want to hear and pretends to be whatever it is that they've described as perfect... and then the straying spouse's own fantasy of the perfect person kicks in and seems to come alive in this desperate stranger who is not too proud to glom on to someone else's mate and whose personal hygiene (like their moral character) may be sadly lacking...

BUT!! The only way to scratch that itch you've created is to trade off the real life relationship with the person who has loved you for years, warts and all, so you can run off to that mirage YOU created with your own fantasy in your head. You are basically in love with yourself.

But there is a whole lot of that going around. So many relationships have been destroyed that way. I really think the phenomenon of people falling in love online and forsaking their mates and families to go be with a stranger is a result of falling in love with their own imaginings - "perfect" traits that they have projected onto this stranger who is willing to play along and say all the right things. If there is a good looking avatar to use as a visual aid, it's all the more effective.


Despite everything, I still had rather take the betrayal and have him still be on the planet than to be dead. My poor sister.

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!