Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2016-02-18 - 10:58 a.m.

No decision on the boy. He is toeing the line like a good boy. One misstep and my decision is made. I'm not up for any aggravation. No ripples in my water.

Sister is having a really hard time with her grief. She is reading a book that is helping her. She is finding out she's not crazy. Other people go through the same stuff after they lose their mate. She just quoted me a bunch of passages from the book and she tells me that losing a mate like I did is also a death of sorts and the grieving is very real. She feels bad that I had no support when my mate stopped loving me and removed himself from my life. It's like death with a nice big helping of betrayal to make it that much tastier.

"Luckily" for me I suppose, I had never been able to rely on him for anything material and he didn't let himself get in a position to be responsible for anything whatsoever, so I wasn't left with a sudden burden of things he used to take care of. My sister is so buried in her husband's debt that she is looking at her legal options. Might be a bankruptcy.

I didn't have to make adjustments in how I was going to pay my bills and live after the love of my life abandoned me, but I know what it's like to be paralyzed with pain. So sad you feel it physically, in the chest. Literally a broken heart. I don't tell her that at this point so far from the time when it happened I'm still destroyed and I still miss him as much as I do. I don't think she could take it if she thought her pain was going to remain so intense for such a long time.

When it's a death, it's extremely acute and it changes everything in an instant. So it throws a person for a loop in every area all at once. And there is no hope of the mate returning, so there is nothing but grief. For my sister, she has to figure out how to keep her home and how to sort a huge mess, and just how to manage the things he used to take care of.

Her whole life is blown up. She's overwhelmed. I hope she can process it in as short a time as is possible to do.

She says at least she knows he died loving her as hard as he possibly could.

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!