Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2016-01-20 - 1:53 p.m.

Here is me... on this crazy journey of life. My job has mercifully changed in such a way that there is freed up time in my day. I am now just training students on my main gig and this really gives me a lot of wiggle room in my day. It's kind of awesome. I'm upping my treadmill time, in the form of short walks through the day to keep the circulation going. I am warding off embolisms, dontchaknow. I may start taking a baby aspirin a day. Just a little anti-coagulation tactic. I'm a little paranoid about sudden death now. My nephew coughs and I'm all "ARE YOU OK???"

I am able to get everything done for work and still help my sister figure out what to do next. My sister is doing pretty well, considering what has happened.

Recently, an old long time friend of hers asked her if she could start a gofundme account and sis said "Noooooooooo, please noooooooo" because she thinks only douchebags beg for money online. She knows this one flaky twit who set up a gofundme to collect money for his vacation so the whole thing sounded cheesy to her. But another person in the family set one up without her knowledge and she is very grateful for it now, because people have donated a lot and it's over 4K right now. This is good since she owes 7K for the funeral. It's insane what they charge you to put your loved one in the ground. In your time of grief. While you are wondering how to pay the bills without him.

There was zero planning, folks. No insurance whatsoever. No burial insurance. As it happens, those kinds of plans are important.

So I'm helping her navigate widowhood. Now I know what it's like to be a widow. I already knew what it was like to have your future with the one you love snatched away unexpectedly and wake up everyday with the heartache of missing that person's touch, voice, face, love, protection, companionship, and "us-ness". I know what she is in for. Late nights and early mornings are the worst. First thought/last thought. And then there's the songs you hear that put you right back in some memory. So painful.

I'm hoping that the fact that he is dead, and not CHOOSING to cut her off and ignore her will make it easier for her to process the loss and move on.

It's really hard when the love of your life cuts you out by choice and ignores you. Makes you question everything you thought you knew about life.

Loss is a big fat stupid bummer. However it happens.

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!