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2016-01-03 - 2:13 p.m.

Happiness is the joy we feel while striving towards our potential. ~Shawn Achor

That's true for me. And it explains why people who are floundering or stagnant are unhappy.

Today is a beautiful day. It's cool outside, but very sunny. Spring-like. I've got the back door open and the dogs are running in and out of the house as they please. The older dog is driving me nuts today. He is so bossy. He wants me to go sit in my chair and hold him. I am not trying to do that right now so he is in noisy protest of me directing my own day. He hates it when I don't immediately obey his every whim. Like all males, I suppose. haha

That was uncalled for, huh?

So... after Christmas I ordered some stuff which I am anxiously awaiting right now. I'm excited about a set of high quality, soft core colored pencils that are coming to me. I am also getting an amazon firestick which I shall check out thoroughly to see if I can locate all the channels I like to watch. If I can stream all my shows, I'm cutting the cord. Why continue to pay my ridiculously high bill for local TV and cable channels if I can stream them for free? Yezzzz. Why indeed? I suspect I won't be able to get one or two of my channels and they will be important to me. Just enough to keep me paying over 100 a month for my channels. I have many monthly costs that I could cut. I'm thinking of doing that. I could and should be much more watchful of my resources.

I've been just enjoying my time off yesterday and today. Though I do need to do all my work for my side gig so that site is all good to go in the morning. Since I always have heavy work from my main job on Mondays, I like to do every single thing for my side job on the weekend so they start the week perfectly squared away. Then I can put off their Monday stuff till Monday evening or even Tuesday without looking like it's delayed. This has been working out very well. I might actually get on the clock and do a little main job stuff today as well. They demand absolute perfection. It's really pretty ridiculous. I couldn't code one case before the Christmas break... ONE case out of a bazillion, because the record wasn't scanned on time and the person who was late in doing her work caused me to be late in doing mine... so I meant to go back and do it before the end of business on Dec. 23rd, but alas... I forgot. Now mind you, they wouldn't have billed it before Christmas anyway (because their process takes 3 business days after I finish my part) so this accidental oversight on my part cost them exactly nothing whatsoever, but my boss, yes, my good and decent boss whom I like, acted like I shot her dog because I forgot the one case that couldn't be billed anyway. This was a delay in which I actually forgot to do something, therefore I share in the blame and she made it clear that there's no room for honest mistakes or human error. Perfection is a great thing and all, but let's not be crazy. My mistakes on the job are rare, but they do happen occasionally.

I'm very good at training students, and I hope to move more into that and be less tied to certain facilities. The people in the facilities are buck passers and they are jealous of those of us who get to telecommute, so when they don't do their shit, we get blamed. There is less of that sort of dynamic when I am training students. I want my boss to be happy with me so she doesn't eff up my world, so I think I'll be better off when I'm just training students and filling in for vacations, maternity leaves, and other vacancies. I think I'll have more time and less close monitoring when that is my whole job. That is what New Boss is going for. If I'm a full time trainer, she doesn't have to train students and this tastes just like delicious cake to her. So everyone wins.

I'm a little worried that she will run out of things for me to do. She says she's got 4 new students needing reviewers this month, so she doesn't see my work slowing down any time soon. I have bag lady syndrome. That is the tendency to think when things are going well career wise that I will somehow lose it all and end up living under a bridge somewhere. I have a skill that is in demand and I should be able to replace my job pretty quickly if I lost it, but I like the devil I know better than the one I don't. I don't want anyone rocking my boat.

You know what throws me into bag lady syndrome more than anything else? When I start feeling proud of myself for being where I'm at in my career, it makes me feel guilty and like I might just lose it all. When I feel disparagingly towards my friend because she chooses to fail it makes me feel like I might get a dose of her world and find out that sometimes you fail and you can't help it. I don't need that lesson, thank you. I am aware of the fact that something could befall me, the tables could turn. I could end up depressed and overwhelmed and like a turtle on its back, unable to flip myself over and move forward. There's lots of ways to lose everything.

I need to be able to be proud of myself without feeling like I am tempting fate. My mom is the only person I can call up and say "Get a load of this, Flossy: (insert obnoxious bragging about paychecks, jobs, accomplishments here)" because she is the only person who is unabashedly over the moon happy for any and all of my accomplishments. And when I say my mom, I mean my parents. My dad is also nothing but happy when something good happens for me. My sister is also happy for me and she is keeping right up with me. She makes very close to as much as I do plus she has a husband who has a job, so her household income is maybe 50K higher than mine but I have much more to show for mine because I am astute with my purchases while she has a husband spending her money faster than she can make it. Literally... buying himself high dollar gifts, hand over fist. On her dime. While telling her she spends too much at the grocery store. But that is none of my business, as Kermit the frog would say, over a cup of tea. HA

My sister and I have little chats where we celebrate our successes and joke about "the other shoe" that could drop and crush us at any moment. Thank God she does well. It would suck so bad if she was poor and I was not. Or vice versa.

I feel like this year is going to be good.

Here's to the New Year!


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