2015-12-30 - 4:23 p.m.
I pissed off my friend. My inner truth bringer came out and told her a very unpleasant truth. She didn't care for it. I was holding back too. If I had said everything I think, she would never speak to me again. I love and care about her, but she is full of excuses and she fails at life. I'm trying to throw her a life ring here and she prefers to flounder and drown.
We are both insufferable asses, but she is worse. Trust me on that.
Here's the back story: She has been on FAIL for her entire adult life. She goes from one desperate horrible situation to the next. She has the second highest IQ of anyone I know and there is no excuse for her to live in poverty. She is full of - chock full of - brimming over with... terrible excuses for why she can't get a decent job. Recently, she told me she could do anything she wants, but she chooses to be a waitress at a shitty pizza place where she clears basically no money at all so she can "get more exercise". I find this ludicrous. I said "Why not get a job making 10 times that much and use your treadmill 3 times a week?"
Last time we talked, she was telling me how they can't afford to do Christmas and this is her husband's fault because they agreed 20 years ago when she married him that she would never have to work. So she ain't working, by God. No matter what happens. He made a deal.
I think if you make a deal with your spouse that you should never have to work and then he can't make a decent living, you must help him. It's not fair for this to be his problem alone just because 20 years ago he said something stupid in a fit of wild optimism. Her circumstances have now changed and she needs to help a dude out. By the way, her excuses don't ever EVER hold water. They sound completely ridiculous. Like, who would trade off financial security, extras, vacations, a nice home, a good easy life style and the best treadmill money can buy in exchange for a life of poverty with the only benefit being that working as a low paid, fast food waitress forces a person walk more? That's nuts.
So usually our conversations go like this: She bitches about having no money. I don't tell her just how good I've got it, because I don't want to rub it in. She laments that life is so hard and if only things could be different.... I tell her I know a good ticket out of that mess. I give her the links to the school, explain the easy financing, and offer my services as a resource and a helper. I offer to get her placed in the field, suggesting I may possibly employ her myself. She gives me an excuse such as the ones I mentioned already. I drop it. But I bring it up the next time we talk after she pretends like she wants to leave poverty behind. I don't say "Wow. Your excuses are ridiculous."
Till today. Today she was on a tear about it and she started running her husband down because he can't make a decent living. (When she should be doing something her damn self) and she is mad at him for not tending to his health (while she is more unhealthy than he is due to her life choices) And I just couldn't maintain my shut-up status. I told her that there's just no reason for her to be in poverty or be depending on him to do it all. I said "Fuck waitressing.Fuuuuuck waitressing. Why would you waste your time on that when you could be making 10 times as much doing something way more fun?" (She quit that job because she couldn't take the BS from the immature kids they have working there) She said "I don't do it just for the money." I said "Can you imagine if I said "I'm going to give up my 6 figure income and fabulous lifestyle and start working at a pizza joint so I can take walks at work?"
Secretive, invisible, silent crickets.
She was pissed. She started the full victim rant in earnest then, trying to allude that there were reasons that I don't know about. Her story is basically that she is a victim of her circumstances. She also told me she is going to do something in about 6 months. She's just not ready right now. So I told her that I will help her when she is ready.
I feel like she is out there floundering in the ocean and I'm trying to throw her a life line but she is too focused on her imagined external reasons for why her life sucks instead of getting a grip her own self. Grab that lifeline girl!! Every woman should make sure she is fully able to support herself and help her husband if she has one and the need is there. It's not fair to put that all on the man just because he has "the appendage". haha. She's the least successful gold digger ever. Her man hasn't got 2 nickels to rub together. If you're going to marry a guy with the hope of never working again you need to pick one that can scratch up a good living. I'm the stark opposite. I won't hardly let anyone do anything for me. Therefore I make a pretty sorry gold digger myself. I don't like to be in a position to have to depend on the kindness of others. I'm naturally independent. I would love a partner, a mate, a counterpart, and the idea of a provider is really sweet and lovely, but hasn't been a reality for me so far and isn't necessary for me. Knock on wood.
There but for the grace of God go I. I have been so blessed and it's certainly possible that I could lose everything one day. God forbid. I mean, the tables could turn and I'm aware of that. I hope not. I feel like if I lost my jobs I would go get some more jobs. But I could have a medical emergency or some other devastating tragedy befall me. I know what I have to be grateful for. I also know I ain't all that special. My friend could have everything I have and then some if she would just try a little. It kills me.
Absolutely kills me.