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2015-12-28 - 10:55 p.m.

2015 is nearly over. It's been a year of goals met, breakthroughs made, opportunities grabbed up, and dreams realized. My love life is back-burnered, and it's best to keep it that way for now. I want love, I want companionship, but I chose someone as unavailable as myself to love... and there are reasons for that. Maybe there are things I have to do before I can be ready to be with someone who can really commit and thus, require me to as well.

I like to make big moves, large purchases, and live out big dreams. I'm a trail blazer and I make things happen. It works for me, you know? My crazy ass plans work out. Men and love life tend to gum up the works as far as career goes. A lover can be very limiting and distracting when you've got career goals or anything else that threatens to interfere with the time and focus that could be flowing his direction instead. My baby liked to consume me wholly. I like being consumed wholly, but I do have some things to accomplish while it's time to make hay (while the sun is shining). I'm hardcore manifesting right now. I was on a necessary, career-building path when I was with my sweetheart. I had to do the seminars I did, obey the sometimes ridiculous directives of bosses, and learn my trade really well, above and beyond the average to make possible what I am doing today. So far in my life, I haven't had a partner who really supported me financially or supported my career aspirations. I do not at all mind being the main bread winner, but men folk are not comfortable with it, despite what they say to the contrary. It becomes a point of contention.

So maybe I need to do what I've got to do and then meet someone who is not trying to compete with my career nor contain my trajectory. It takes a really strong and confidant man to handle being with an independent woman. Us independent women are with you because we want to be... and for no other reason. You have to bring something other than the paycheck and the upper hand to the table. Lots of guys are not comfortable unless there is something they feel will keep the woman in a state of neediness. My guy didn't need another trump card. His trump card was how much I adored him. But he didn't know or didn't believe. He could have rested assured that I wouldn't have ever given up on him.

I have allowed myself to stay stuck as far as love goes. I'll un-stick myself when I get ready to free up the man space in my life. I have bigger fish to fry right now. I have some big things to accomplish in the next couple of years maybe. I know that if I become socially active with new people and allow myself to like somebody, stop ruling people out for not being my lost love, I'll find someone. The mens always like me. LOL

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