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2015-12-20 - 1:43 p.m.

I don't trust people who don't love themselves... but say "I love you". ~Maya Angelou

Sometimes people doubt themselves so much, and find themselves so unlovable, that they don't believe another person could possibly love them the way they need to be loved. Sometimes you can't convince a broken person that you love them really and truly. So they doubt you and sabotage the relationship until they bring about that ending they've imagined. Deep thoughts on a Sunday...


My Christmas gifts are bought, most are wrapped, and one last thing is being delivered Tuesday. I think I have thought of everything. I think I've got it all worked out for 2015. Let's hope so.

I've got to do all my side work and catch up one of my student's reviews that I had to let slide during the week. I was too busy being a Christmas elf yesterday and too tired last night to get the work done then. So this afternoon I'm going to get after it and bring this work thing to a nice place of resolution.

My dogs are barking their faces off because our next door neighbor DARES to be out in her own yard with a couple of Yorkies, no less. I hope those Yorkies are visitors and not new residents. I'll never hear the end of it. Those people have a beagle and my dogs have absolutely no response to that dog. Neither of my dogs bark at him, no matter what he does. I have no idea why. They bark at every other dog in all the yards around ours but when that one beagle comes out and barks, they can't be bothered.

My pup with the heart murmur seems to be doing fine. He is 7 years old. His birthday was on December 18. That's not such an old dog, but the vet was not surprised by his heart murmur and said that older small dogs get heart murmurs very commonly. I am hopeful that we can keep his murmur from getting worse. He's taking his medication very well. I wrap it in a little bit of cheese and he just gobbles it up. I have also ordered some herbal stuff that is for dogs with heart murmurs. The reviews are extensive and very positive. I'm thinking it can't hurt. I'm going to run it by the vet before starting it though. Herbs can be very strong!

The dark spectre of lost love looms heavily around me during the days of December. I miss my love at Christmas even more than usual and I feel the loss very acutely at this time of the year. I'm trying to keep myself out of depression. I'm just focusing on gratitude for my blessings and the love I do have in my life.

I'm going to have fun with my family. I got really good gifts for all the kids in my family. I am good at knowing what the kids all like. I'm looking forward to the family shindig. I've wrapped all my sister's delights in the appropriate "Ho" wrapping paper. I am about out of that paper. I'm going to have to get more. I didn't have enough left to wrap all her stuff in it, so I cut out the word "Ho" off the ho paper and taped Ho's all over the gifts that were not wrapped in ho paper. It's funny. I'm going to put it all in a bigger box and stick ho's all over it. Everyone always knows which gift is hers.


Well, this work is not going to do itself.


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