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2015-09-30 - 1:11 p.m.

I do not have time to do this, but inspiration has struck and I'm doin' it.

Dangerspouse mentioned the Golden Corral and this caused me to want to write about it because I have more to say than I felt was appropriate to leave in Dangerspouse's notes.

My family refers to this fine eating establishment as "The Golden Rat". We haven't been served a chicken fried rat over there as far as I know. There is a much more benign reason for this not-so-appetizing moniker. My daughter was making a trek from where she lives to my home 5 hours away and she called me for more travel instructions. In attempting to visualize her location, I asked her where she was and she told me she was passing "The Golden Rat". Turns out, some of the lights were out on the sign and on the word "Corral" the first 3 letters, C, O, and R were out and she misread the sign, thinking it said Golden Rat. We've called it the Golden Rat ever since.

Now... some of the locations within this chain restaurant are not very clean looking and for some reason, the clientele always seems to look like 50 shades of Hell. I've seen something weird every time I've gone to one. My ex-sweetheart really loves him a buffet, so we used to go there. I must say, they do have a large selection, the pot roast is really good, (like mama made it), and they have awesome rolls. And let's face it, rolls are my favorite food group, even though I don't eat them anymore.

This place is more about quantity than it is about quality and they don't do a very good job with the vegetables. It's mostly about meat and desserts. But let's talk about that clientele situation. A lot of the patrons in there look like "people of walmart". That describes it perfectly.

One time, I watched a couple walk by and the guy had on a big elaborate neck brace type apparatus with metal and pins, all about his head and shoulders. The woman with him was a stringy old husk of a biker babe wearing a threadbare wife beater and her boobs, which could be clearly and entirely seen, looked just like "Magda" from "Something About Mary". Like, wet sand in a sock, saggy boob action. It was a little bit traumatizing. Put em away grandma, those days are over.

I find the whole place questionable, even though some locations are better than others. They do have some good things in the old feed trough. You just have to have a willingness to eat off sticky old plates with the cheapest of flatware and a strong enough constitution to continue eating while looking at some of the patrons.

Wow. I'm pretty sure my review is not going to make Zagat's.

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