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2015-07-29 - 6:05 p.m.

Well I'm freshly pissed off right now. I just went outside to turn off the sprinkler in the front yard and found the hose cut. Someone cut the hose (with a pocket knife) in my yard and I am pretty sure I know who did it.

A janky looking, disheveled little thug of a salesman came around about an hour ago and gave me a 10 minute speech about the fact that he is working in this heat to support his 4 year old daughter. Like, the whole sales pitch seemed to be "I'm out here doing it for my kid. I'm taking responsibility." (Doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. Newsflash: you are not a hero if you feed and clothe the kids you bring into the world.) He showed me a picture of a kid on his cell phone. I complimented him on the kid as if I really believed this was his own kid, and asked him what he was selling and he said magazine subscriptions. He told me twice how most people just donate and don't really pick out a magazine. (I assume this cuts down on the complaints when no magazines come in the mail). I told this guy I didn't want to order any magazines and didn't have any more time to chat.. because I'm working. He kept right on selling though, talking about under-privileged kids... blah blah... and I ended up giving him a few bucks to go the Hell away. I didn't say that... I just said here's a little money... don't worry about a receipt. He was apparently disappointed that I didn't order the imaginary magazines for 40 bucks, since he cut my water hose. Water was just gushing out for like a half hour while I thought my lawn was being watered. I went in my car looking for him. He had taken off. Janky little tore back vandalizing punk.

I'm going to report that little shit. I think I'll post signs to warn people about this asshole. I'm also going to get a "No Soliciting" sign too. I've had it. I've been patient with an annoying salesman for the very last time. I'll just point to the sign when the sales pitch begins. That little asshole better hope I don't spot him in this neighborhood again.

If only I had a big hairy white man around to put the fear of God into a thug.

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