2015-07-02 - 5:06 p.m.
Why do people think it is an option to willingly settle for marrying the wrong person?
There is such misery involved with being married to the wrong person. Being single, even if you're lonely, is better than settling into a marriage that isn't right. Marriage is hard in the best of circumstances. Even when you *think* you like everything about a person. If you are willing to marry someone that you have doubts about... someone who is already annoying, overly yappy, or downright "intellectually challenged", you are just asking for a life of quiet desperation or outright torture. Not to mention the fact that people change after marriage. The mask comes off and you find out about their anger problem and their passive aggressive tendencies. Everything that annoys you about this twit you've settled for will become the very bane of your existence after you find yourself all married up and waking up next to it every day.
I read a hilarious passage in a book about getting sick of your spouse and it said (paraphrasing here) after awhile every single thing they do irritates the crap out of you until one day you snap for some insignificant reason. She gave the example that one day her husband came out dressed to go someplace and his sock was caught up in his pant leg and "I just went wild, as if he had committed murder or something." So funny, so true.
Being single is always better than being married to the wrong person. Your intended might be a good person or even a great person. But if they are not "your" person, you are screwing yourself over by marrying them. I got married as a young and stupid kid. Barely legal, as it were. I was an idiot. I was lacking in life experience and self knowledge. So my opinion of marriage may be totally biased by my years of soul-crushing misery.
A friend of mine who happens to be one of the most physically attractive guys I've ever met, married a woman who is a truly great person. She is a very high quality individual. She's smart, good, successful, healthy, and apparently devoted to him. He is miserable. He's not physically attracted to her. He's not in love with her. He feels like he has missed "the real thing". Now he feels trapped in this life he has hemmed himself into and he cares about her as a person so he doesn't want to just leave her. What a fine mess. Despite caring about her feelings, I don't see him staying for the long haul. He tried to start something with me before he got married, when I was not in a relationship, but I didn't take him up on it because of a few good reasons. We are just good friends. Maybe we will end up together when we're old. hah. He has many traits I value and he's total eye candy but... my reservations are valid. But.. never say never.
I've been pursued by a multi-millionaire and found that unequivocally I am NOT a gold digger. If I was, I would've... but I didn't. I've been pursued by someone I find extremely attractive and found that I can't just .. go for that attraction factor either. I fall for people based on personality, intellect, and the connection I feel with them. I was pursued by a guy that I could totally tap into, but wasn't attracted to. So that doesn't work for me either. The biggest problem in my personal life is this: The only time I ever felt the exact mixture of personality, intellect, intimacy, comfort and attraction that rang my bell of soul recognition was with someone who didn't really mean the words he said and who willfully hurt me. So my man-choosing apparatus is broken. My instincts are kaput.
I should get out more. That would probably help. I've got company coming for the long weekend so I need to go grocery shopping!