2015-05-20 - 6:20 p.m.
There was an aspect of magic to this great love of my life. There was this other-wordly psychic bond between us. We didn't need a telephone to call each other. We could feel each other and connect. Every now and then I meet a person that I can "tap into". I can't control this ability; can't choose my subject. It just happens or it doesn't. But when I am tapping in, I just know things about the other person. I just *know*. It's like a psychic thing. Always, the other person cannot read me, except for my guy. He was able to tap into me. I guess that was one of the biggest reasons why our union was so special to me. I didn't think I would ever have that connection with anyone else. We could talk so deeply about everything for hours on end. I was extremely happy in our relationship and it went along beautifully until we disagreed on something and couldn't resolve it.
I observed that he had a hatred for authority and had trouble keeping jobs. He had trouble getting along with a lot of people. Even his relatives. He utterly hates some of them... even siblings. Most, if not all of his work relationships ended in animosity. He did not respect his parents. He had mostly worked off the books so he didn't have a paper trail and probably had no medicare or social security withholdings accumulated to speak of. He didn't carry proper insurance or have things in his name. His driver's license was suspended. He has an unusual presentation, in that he looks kind of like a biker. He refused to conform to societal norms for the sake of a career or anything else. His look makes him seem kind of dangerous. I found him to be threatening to others, but a teddy bear to me. This "scary to others but sweet to me" aspect was very pleasing to me, though I knew he was "problematic" and we might have a lot of trouble bringing our two lives together permanently. I'm a feisty conformer. I have my own flair but I'm going to live basically along societal norms. He was kind of a fuck the system kind of guy. He had several worrisome situations going on, such as defaulted student loans, back child support, and tax problems. I wanted him to start getting things on the up and up so we could one day marry without a lot of impossible obstacles and awful messes to clean up. I fought really hard to make a good credit rating, career, and a good name for myself. Why did I want this overwhelming heap of problems?