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2015-04-20 - 2:02 p.m.

All my patients have poo problems. Either they can't poo or they can't stop the poo. This must be why old people are so focused on their bathroom habits. That apparatus is quick to fail, apparently. My dogs have zero poo problems.

This morning I found a ridiculous mess of grape jelly all over the granite in the kitchen where the boy can't engineer a sandwich without making a mess similar to that of a toddler with ADD. I've already beseeched him to use a little bit of care in his sandwich making and stop getting jelly all over everything. He gave me an excuse that sounded like "can't help it". I told him that I have great faith in him and I believe he has what it takes to be cleaner with it and even to wipe up a mess that he makes. He gave me another excuse about time being a problem in the morning. I guess "get up 5 minutes earlier" didn't seem like a solution to him. I told him that if I keep finding jelly all over the place I will stop buying jelly. As of today's mess, I'd say we are on our last container of jelly. I will remind him again today that it's not ok to smear jelly from one end of the kitchen island to the other and he will give me an excuse or an insincere apology. Then he won't drop any jelly for about 3 days and on approximately day 4 the kitchen island will look like a crime scene again. At that point, I think I will toss the jelly in the trash. I dislike problems that keep repeating with no lasting improvements. He will be 20 in a few months. I don't think I should be dealing with this, 17 years after the terrible twos.

I really and truly love my nephew, but I am starting to look forward to that little bird spreading his tiny wings and flying.

My Dear Mr. F... I don't know what you'll think about this but our boy is following in your footsteps with the smoke shop, sack fulla tobacco, papers, and a rolling machine. He's growing a beard, too. He carries his little cigarette factory around with him all the time. Takes it to his friends' houses.

Oh crap! I just realized my clan is at war today and I want to swoop in there and do some raping and pillaging before the others. hahaha

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