2014-12-21 - 2:30 p.m.
I'm doing very well, thanks for asking.
Physically, I'm doing great, except for a little case of tennis elbow. (Tennis elbow. WTF?) I think I hit my funny bone about 3 times too many. But, elbow aside, I am a champion and it feels good.
My spirit is also a champion and has bounded back from a devastating blow, at last. I have no hard feelings towards my ex. I love him today as I have loved him all along, but I no longer feel my life is over because he left me. I understand that he wasn't able to follow through on his beautiful words. He's a flawed human with a deep self doubt that made him ultimately unable to keep the promises his soul made to mine. Aside from the time when my child was hospitalized with meningitis, this has been the absolute most painful thing in my life and the pain did not let up at all for a good 3 years. I still miss him and love him, but I am not enrobed in sadness anymore and I feel like I am able to move forward finally. The biggest step towards that healing has been letting go of the anger towards the other woman. Finally, that is gone. Hatred hurts the hater. I don't know how people who harbor a lot of anger and hatred do it. It's just SO toxic.
I hope he is healing and I really hope that he allows himself to honestly look at what went down because one is doomed to repeat the mistakes they don't acknowledge. He won't be able to move past this point of dysfunction within himself if he won't look at it. He will be doomed to relive it and suffer the karma from having done it the way he did. I think he will read this blog every now and then, because he is definitely aware of it. I think he avoids it right now because he thinks I'm in a place of anger and he doesn't want to see my anger about his actions. He doesn't want to see me confirming the negative things he already thinks of himself.
So when you see this, and I know you eventually will, know that I love you, I care about you regardless of the circumstances. You can approach me in friendship and I won't reject you or make you own up to your part of our relationship's destruction. My spirit still loves your spirit and always, always will. I hope you can heal and come to the place where you can reach out to me and be a friend because I miss you and I absolutely believe we were supposed to always be a part of each other's lives. We don't have to take each other to task or assign any blame. We each had our own little inner drama. My fight was a totally different fight than yours and if we had been where we should have been soul-wise, we could have worked through that and emerged even stronger.